A few years ago, a friend of mine who was dying of cancer posted something she had found on the web.  It was called "Ring Theory" and it was designed to help us know how to comfort those in the middle of a crisis and to keep us from dumping our own stuff on those who were already going under. Developed by psychologist Susan Silk and her friend Barry Goldman, I cannot recommend this theory highly enough. Although I paraphrase it below, here are links to the original op ed, and a piece in Psychology Today. Put simply, you place the person in crisis in the center circle.  If it's you, congratulations, you're in the center ring.  If it's not you, you are in one of the outer rings.  You then draw circles around the center circle, placing people in those rings.  Closer relatives and friends in closer circles; more distant relatives and friends in the circles further away.

Once you have your diagram, you have your order of kvetching or dumping.  Comfort always moves in towards the center and dumping or kvetching can only move out toward larger circles.  This way, those in crisis and those closely related to the crisis receive the comfort and care they need.  They have people they can dump on and receive support from without getting dumped on themselves.  It really is a brilliant theory.  Please keep it in mind when you are dealing with people who are grieving.