Recently, a woman in a group I was in asked what would be appropriate to give a grieving mother who had just lost a child. Figuring out something to give a grieving person to let them know you are thinking about them and that you care is a tricky thing. Everyone is different and there is no "one size fits all" gift, but here are some generally safe things you can give or do that will be appreciated. Some of these are more specific for grief of a deceased person, but others work for grief from other types of loss as well.

• Send a card

• Send flowers

• Give them a hug

• Donate to the places specified in the obituary

• Send food/a meal, preferably organized by someone in their community or religious group so they don't receive too many meals at the same time, or too much of the same thing

• Send restaurant gift cards. They may want to get out of the house and this lets them do so and still not have to cook.

• Take them out for a meal. They might be lonely and in need of some company.

• Take them out. For a walk. For a movie. Whatever they feel up for. Just be good company.

• Visit with them. Commiserate. Console. Sit quietly if that's all they need.

• Offer to do some housework. Only do this if you are a close friend, or it may feel intrusive. Is their lawn getting high? Ask them if you can mow it for them. Are you just visiting for a bit and notice that they have unwashed dishes? Take a few minutes before you leave and wash them up.

• Share pictures you have of the decedent the family may want copies of

• Give a garden stone or wind chime engraved with the decedent's name. These are lovely year round reminders of a deceased family member.

• Plant a tree in the decedent's memory

• Give a bereavement bear. For families that have lost an infant or child, there are groups that make bears weighted and sized to fill their now empty arms, or turn clothing into memory bears. A few are Molly Bears, Project B.E.A.R., and ReMinke Bears.

The better you know the person grieving, the easier it is to know how the gift will be received. Just use your best judgment when deciding what to give. Most of the time, no matter what it is, the grievers know you care just because you thought of them in their time of need.