31 Days of Patrick

Later this month, I will be engaging in a project that my counselor and I designed. This post is not only to explain what's coming and why, but to provide advance warning to anyone who might be triggered or otherwise upset by the project.

Get ready for 31 Days of Patrick!

Photo Credit: Rachael Richard

Each day after the anniversary of his death (Sept 27) until his birthday (Oct 29), I will post pictures of Patrick and talk about what I remember, how they make me feel, and why they are some of my favorite memories.

For blog readers/followers, I will be titling each post "Day x" and tagging it "31 Days of Patrick" so that you know generally what the contents are and can avoid opening/viewing/reading them if you so choose.

For those who are curious, the purpose of this project is to start detaching from the cyclical, chronological, calendar-driven grief that culminates every year in Patrick's death in September and rebirth in October. As such, the only rule for this project is that the pictures/memories cannot be in chronological order.

The ultimate goal is to both remember and see Patrick in my mind's eye as a complete person, rather than reexperience his growth, development, and ups and downs every year while living in the anxiety and tension caused by the knowledge that he is "going" to die. The unacknowledged fact in this thinking and experience is that he already died. He lived a complete, if short, life. I need to digest that and integrate all of my/his/our experiences into a complete package that can be loved, mourned, enjoyed, or grieved in its entirety on any given day.

So, that's what's coming up and why. If you have any suggestions for other activities that might help achieve this goal, feel free to share. You are also welcome to share any favorite memories of Patrick you have. Let us work together to recognize, acknowledge, and experience Patrick's continued existence in our lives--through his joy, his love, his smiles, and our memories.

In that vein, here is a quick video of my new car toy. Lil' Dude, named after Patrick, bounces and wiggles with the biggest smile, just like Patrick. Every time I see Lil' Dude, he makes me grin and helps me remember all the joy Patrick brought--and continues to bring--into my world. I hope he makes you smile, too.