Helping Spoonies Grieve

There are lots of groups who are grieving a loss, but I want to talk today about a group that doesn't get talked about much in that context and that's spoonies.  If you're not familiar with the term spoonie, you can find out about Spoon Theory here, but generally speaking, spoonies often have chronic, invisible illnesses that leave them tired and unable to accomplish everything that they used to be able to accomplish.  So spoonies are left to grieve the loss of a healthy body.  Now, many spoonies also end up grieving losses of employment, some end up having to file for disability or bankruptcy and grieve the loss of life as they knew it.

But I want to focus just on the loss of the healthy body because that's a loss they all have in common and it's the biggest loss.  It's the loss that, even if they are still able to work, they usually have to cut back in some way.  And for most spoonies, this starts the mind talk of "not good enough."  See, we live in an ableist society.  We judge people based on what they do and what they give to us. The first question we ask when we meet people is, "What do you do?"  Once the body no longer allows you to do, you begin to feel worthless.  Some spoonies are in denial and force their bodies to do more than they should.  Some spoonies are angry that their bodies have turned on them. Others are resigned that they are just useless.  All of these are just stages of grief.  Spoonies are just trying to come to terms with what has happened to them.  But because their illnesses are invisible, people often overlook them as needing care and comfort.

And the best and easiest way we can care and comfort them is to remind them that just because their bodies don't work as well as they used to, they are still valuable.  They still have contributions to make to society, to families, to communities.  So please, love the spoonies in your lives.  Let them know you still find them valuable and worthwhile even though their bodies have turned against them. This is the best thing you can do to help them grieve the loss of the healthy bodies they used to have.