Bullying
As the news continues to be filled with stories of children who kill themselves or others because they are being bullied, I worry about how to raise Lil' Bit to have enough self-esteem to survive these behaviors and to be open enough to tell me if things are going wrong. Too often, the parents indicate that they didn't know anything was wrong. More tragic is when parents have gotten involved and schools have done nothing to stop the behavior. That leaves it to us parents to make our kids tough enough to withstand any such bullying, without teaching them to resort to violence. In our culture, easier said than done. Why, for goodness sake, do we live in a society where cutting other people down in order to feel better about ourselves is socially acceptable?
All of these stories also force me to deal with my own experiences with childhood bullying. I got by with help from my friends and a few special teachers, but it wasn't easy--particularly when people I had thought were my friends were working behind my back, making things worse. Being the subject of false rumors and having teachers believe them made for awkward classes. I occasionally thought of killing myself, although I was probably too chicken to ever really do it. But, I did reach the point where I was self-mutilating by scratching my arms with my fingernails until they bled. I hated how other kids could make me feel. I didn't need to be popular, but I would have preferred not being a pariah. I can only imagine how much worse those experiences would have been if we had had Facebook, Twitter, or cell phones with cameras back then. I hate that, even now, I will still occasionally question my self-worth based on things that happened then. I have done so much, accomplished so much, have friends and family who would move the world for me, but under the right conditions, in a few seconds, I can be reduced to a puddle of insecurity.
Whether we're hardwired this way, or simply conditioned by society, it seems as though we believe negative things much more easily. If we viewed ourselves from the outside, as a product being reviewed on Amazon, and there were 400 5-star reviews, numerous 4-star reviews, and 7 1-star reviews, we would probably think that this was a stellar product. Why is it, then, that we internally believe the 7 1-star reviews? Why is it so much easier to see how crazy it is when smart people think they are dumb and beautiful people think they are ugly if it is someone other than ourselves? But, more importantly, how do we change it? And how do I equip my child not only to withstand any bullying to which she might be exposed, but also teach her to stand with those who are being bullied so that they don't feel alone?
I have no answers. But I have a theory on where to start--I can do my best to embody and model for Lil' Bit those behaviors, values, and characteristics I want her to have. I will do my best to support her, love her, and build her up to protect her from the harmful things people can say. But I still hold out hope that maybe, by the time she starts school, we, as a society, will have a better handle on how to stop this madness.
All of these stories also force me to deal with my own experiences with childhood bullying. I got by with help from my friends and a few special teachers, but it wasn't easy--particularly when people I had thought were my friends were working behind my back, making things worse. Being the subject of false rumors and having teachers believe them made for awkward classes. I occasionally thought of killing myself, although I was probably too chicken to ever really do it. But, I did reach the point where I was self-mutilating by scratching my arms with my fingernails until they bled. I hated how other kids could make me feel. I didn't need to be popular, but I would have preferred not being a pariah. I can only imagine how much worse those experiences would have been if we had had Facebook, Twitter, or cell phones with cameras back then. I hate that, even now, I will still occasionally question my self-worth based on things that happened then. I have done so much, accomplished so much, have friends and family who would move the world for me, but under the right conditions, in a few seconds, I can be reduced to a puddle of insecurity.
Whether we're hardwired this way, or simply conditioned by society, it seems as though we believe negative things much more easily. If we viewed ourselves from the outside, as a product being reviewed on Amazon, and there were 400 5-star reviews, numerous 4-star reviews, and 7 1-star reviews, we would probably think that this was a stellar product. Why is it, then, that we internally believe the 7 1-star reviews? Why is it so much easier to see how crazy it is when smart people think they are dumb and beautiful people think they are ugly if it is someone other than ourselves? But, more importantly, how do we change it? And how do I equip my child not only to withstand any bullying to which she might be exposed, but also teach her to stand with those who are being bullied so that they don't feel alone?
I have no answers. But I have a theory on where to start--I can do my best to embody and model for Lil' Bit those behaviors, values, and characteristics I want her to have. I will do my best to support her, love her, and build her up to protect her from the harmful things people can say. But I still hold out hope that maybe, by the time she starts school, we, as a society, will have a better handle on how to stop this madness.