The Final Countdown
[Those of you who listened to pop music in the 80's probably now have a song cootie stuck in your head. You're welcome :)]
Although I've been somewhat quiet on the IVF front, recently, we've actually been doing a lot behind the scenes. Now that we've made some decisions, I thought I would share those with you.
First, we spent the last month or two talking about how many embryos we wanted to use. We talked about using three since this was our last round and we wanted to increase our chances of a "take home baby" (as opposed to simply achieving pregnancy). We spoke with our doctor and he calculated that the increased risk of multiples was 4-5% and the increased chance of success was 5-10%. So--the increased success rate was greater than the increased risk. He had no objections to our using three. The choice was up to us. We prayed, thought, and talked about it for a while and we both reached the same place. We don't think we can handle three. Although the risk is small, there's no fraction of a kid. If we hit the jackpot, we come home with triplets. We agreed that twins would be tricky, but are willing to take that risk because both previous cycles we used two embryos and only one implanted. Obviously, there's still a chance of triplets, even with two--one or both could split into identicals. But, that chance is extremely slim. Like, lightning bolt thin. Certainly, much slimmer than the risk of multiples when transferring three embryos. More important, we both still believe that we'll get what we're supposed to have. If we really trust that, we'll stick with the regular plan. Changing things up now really feels like inviting trouble. So, we both agreed to stick with two.
Second, we agreed to go ahead with this round. I can hear you now--"That's not news." Well, actually, it is. Although we previously agreed to one more cycle several months ago, we decided that it would be a good idea, now that the time is upon us, to reconsider our decision and see if that was still where we were, rather than just move forward because of the momentum of a choice previously made. I wanted to honor any second thoughts either of us was having. It's much easier not to start a cycle than stop it, and we certainly couldn't return a baby. So, this was the time to decide whether we still wanted to go forward. We know it's going to be hard. We know everything about our lives will change again if we're successful. But, there's so much that we want for ourselves and Lil' Bit that just doesn't happen without another child. So, we've reaffirmed our decision to move forward.
That brings us to today. Today is day 1 of the pre-procedure month. Twenty days from now, I will take the first of my last rounds of shots. This is it! The countdown to our final attempt. The countdown toward change. The countdown toward shots! The countdown for our last ride on the roller coaster. After this, the park closes and we go home. It's joyful and sad all at the same time. I am nervous, anxious, excited! I can't wait to find out what's going to happen. But, as we move through the corrals, listening to the shrieks and cries of those already on the ride, waiting for our turn to board, I want to take time and wish luck to all those in line with us--whether in front or behind. None of us knows how this will turn out. Just know that I hope for your success and I wish you joy and happiness no matter what the outcome. If you need it, you will always have a friend here on the ground who has been there, who knows what it's like, and who sends you love and comfort. Here's to you, wherever you are in your journey. And here's to me, as I set out on a final ride.
Although I've been somewhat quiet on the IVF front, recently, we've actually been doing a lot behind the scenes. Now that we've made some decisions, I thought I would share those with you.
First, we spent the last month or two talking about how many embryos we wanted to use. We talked about using three since this was our last round and we wanted to increase our chances of a "take home baby" (as opposed to simply achieving pregnancy). We spoke with our doctor and he calculated that the increased risk of multiples was 4-5% and the increased chance of success was 5-10%. So--the increased success rate was greater than the increased risk. He had no objections to our using three. The choice was up to us. We prayed, thought, and talked about it for a while and we both reached the same place. We don't think we can handle three. Although the risk is small, there's no fraction of a kid. If we hit the jackpot, we come home with triplets. We agreed that twins would be tricky, but are willing to take that risk because both previous cycles we used two embryos and only one implanted. Obviously, there's still a chance of triplets, even with two--one or both could split into identicals. But, that chance is extremely slim. Like, lightning bolt thin. Certainly, much slimmer than the risk of multiples when transferring three embryos. More important, we both still believe that we'll get what we're supposed to have. If we really trust that, we'll stick with the regular plan. Changing things up now really feels like inviting trouble. So, we both agreed to stick with two.
Second, we agreed to go ahead with this round. I can hear you now--"That's not news." Well, actually, it is. Although we previously agreed to one more cycle several months ago, we decided that it would be a good idea, now that the time is upon us, to reconsider our decision and see if that was still where we were, rather than just move forward because of the momentum of a choice previously made. I wanted to honor any second thoughts either of us was having. It's much easier not to start a cycle than stop it, and we certainly couldn't return a baby. So, this was the time to decide whether we still wanted to go forward. We know it's going to be hard. We know everything about our lives will change again if we're successful. But, there's so much that we want for ourselves and Lil' Bit that just doesn't happen without another child. So, we've reaffirmed our decision to move forward.
That brings us to today. Today is day 1 of the pre-procedure month. Twenty days from now, I will take the first of my last rounds of shots. This is it! The countdown to our final attempt. The countdown toward change. The countdown toward shots! The countdown for our last ride on the roller coaster. After this, the park closes and we go home. It's joyful and sad all at the same time. I am nervous, anxious, excited! I can't wait to find out what's going to happen. But, as we move through the corrals, listening to the shrieks and cries of those already on the ride, waiting for our turn to board, I want to take time and wish luck to all those in line with us--whether in front or behind. None of us knows how this will turn out. Just know that I hope for your success and I wish you joy and happiness no matter what the outcome. If you need it, you will always have a friend here on the ground who has been there, who knows what it's like, and who sends you love and comfort. Here's to you, wherever you are in your journey. And here's to me, as I set out on a final ride.