Stepping Off the Platform
So, here we are. Day 21. I have just completed my first shot of my last IVF cycle. I'm still surprised by how hard it is to give myself shots. I thought I would be less anxious by now. But, no. No matter how many shots I have given myself--and each time the count goes up by at least one--I still have to psych myself up. In fact, this one felt harder to convince myself to do than the very first shot I did 2 1/2 years ago. I don't know if it's because of the finality of this cycle, or just my inherent survival instincts telling me to avoid pain. Whatever it is, though, I overcame it and gave myself the shot. Go me! I marked the occasion with my traditional smiley face on my shot calendar, and now, I will go find something in my feel-better box to reward myself!
But the fact remains, I am standing at the beginning of the end. My last chance to experience pregnancy and carry another child. My last chance at a sibling for Lil' Bit. My last heartbreak if it fails or I miscarry. This ride is both familiar and brand new. Although I know what to expect for the most part, I have no idea how knowing this is the last time will affect all of those experiences. But I am ready. And so, it is with anxiety, fear, trembling, trepidation, and excitement, but most of all, trust in our decision, that I step off the platform, sit down in the seat, and pull down the lap bar to secure myself for my last ride on the fertility roller coaster.
But the fact remains, I am standing at the beginning of the end. My last chance to experience pregnancy and carry another child. My last chance at a sibling for Lil' Bit. My last heartbreak if it fails or I miscarry. This ride is both familiar and brand new. Although I know what to expect for the most part, I have no idea how knowing this is the last time will affect all of those experiences. But I am ready. And so, it is with anxiety, fear, trembling, trepidation, and excitement, but most of all, trust in our decision, that I step off the platform, sit down in the seat, and pull down the lap bar to secure myself for my last ride on the fertility roller coaster.
Shot calendar with a single smiley face