Day 31 - Full Circle

We've reached the end of the 31 days of Patrick. Tomorrow is Patrick's birthday--he would have been six. I thought about calling this post "The End" because it's the end of the yearly Patrick cycle. But it's also "The Beginning" because we're starting over and it's a chance to do things differently. And thinking about the cyclical nature of Patrick's life and our grief, and the end being the beginning, I decided that we had come full circle. So, in that vein, I wanted to share two very personal pictures--the very first of Patrick's life, and the very last.

In the almost 11 months between these two pictures, he lived such an incredible life. He found joy, smiled, laughed, and loved fully. He touched so many lives in so many different ways. And I was lucky enough to be his mom. I was given the honor of being with him for his first breath and his last. I hope that, going forward, I can use all of my breaths to live my life with the kind of joy and laughter Patrick did.

Day 28 - My Elf

This outfit was a hand-me-down that my nephew and maybe niece wore first. Then Mira wore it. But Patrick wore it best. He was so stinking photogenic that even with a tube taped to his face and coming out of his nose, he looked like the cutest elf on earth. He would have made even Eeyore smile.

Day 23 - In Motion

Pictures are great, but sometimes only video will do. Here is Patrick making sweet cooing noises, grinning big behind his paci, and being the light of the PICU.

Day 20 - The Whole Package

This next picture is one of my favorites from when we brought him home. He has his floof of hair, a grin that shows behind the paci in him mouth, and his mischievous eye twinkle. He's wearing black watch plaid and snuggled in my arms. It's just perfection.

Photo Credit: Rachael Richard

Day 16 - The Froggy Blanket

When I originally planned this series, it was going to showcase favorite moments or images from Patrick's life. And though I've been doing more traits and characteristics with multiple photos, there are some great singular images I want to share.

This first one is shortly after he was given this great froggy fleece blanket. As I mentioned before, with the exception of trips, I have slept under this blanket every night for the more than five years since he passed. It keeps me feeling connected to him and surrounded by his love.

This picture also has his signature grin and eye twinkle, all flirt and joy even when stuck in the hospital. In many ways, this is such a quintessential Patrick picture. I hope you love it as much as I do.

Day 15 - Isaiah’s Bean Dip

Talking about Patrick grabbing faces reminded me of this picture of him with my glasses. So cute! But the best part about this picture is the hand gesture.

First, in my family of origin, we would call this the bean dip picture. It's a long story and not nearly as funny in writing. It needs the hand gestures. Just know that based on a funny story, holding your hand like this and moving it up and down meant "bean dip."

Second, when Phil was serving a church in Texas, we were blessed to twice hear Rev. Dr. Susan Smith preach. The second time, she gave an amazing sermon including a personal story and referenced a passage in Isiah, talking about the need to stay strong. Making this hand gesture, she repeated the plain language message: If you can just hang on.

Flash forward roughly a decade, and I had that scripture verse engraved on the back of the iPad I bought to entertain myself/keep myself sane while Mira was in the hospital for her open-heart surgery and recovery. For me to have capture an image of Patrick making this hand gesture while in the hospital for over three months was a good reminder for me to hang in there. And, ever since he died, it's been helpful to push me out of my hole and keep moving forward because the payoff is coming. If I can just hang on.

Day 8 - Special People, Pt. 1

When I think about Patrick, I think about all of the people who helped us care for him. Their interactions not only made life possible, but brought so much love and joy into the world during his short life.

First up is my friend Duffy. She went with me to the hospital for Patrick's first heart cath. He loved spending time with her, and I remember her saying that they were going to spend lots of time together and get to know each other really well. She spent many days with me in the hospital and many nights at the Ronald McDonald house. This may be the only picture I have of them together, but it is one of my favorites. There is just so much love and joy.